"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Journey of 1000 miles...

I have taken my single step.

I have been talking for months about better organizing my house and life.  I have made small attempts, cleaning and organizing, but really haven't gotten far. 

I have decided though, that my project for the winter, right through to spring, will be to get organized.  I want to adopt the mentality that if it is not beautiful or does not serve a purpose, then it doesn't belong.  I know myself well enough to know that it will be hard for me, that I have sentimental attachment to pretty much everything in my house.

Geoff and I (Geoff moreso than me) have the capacity to be hoarders.  We keep shit.  We pile shit. We stack, we stuff, we cover, we stash.  Every corner of the house could be filled with stuff.  Geoff would love it.  It drives me crazy.  I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle against Geoff and the kids and the mess.

So, today, in my 1000 mile journey to an organized life, I took my first step.  I decided the best place to start is with the kids' rooms.  They have toys on top of toys.  They have toys that they very rarely played with.  They have mystery toys, broken toys, pieces of toys, baby toys, toys, toys, toys.

I decided to start with Sawyer's room.  Today, in 2 hours, I gathered 5 recycling bags full of toys, stuffed animals, shoes and books.  And I didn't even tackle her toybox.  I didn't get to her clothes.  But, I did get a start on it.  Geoff and I had left the kids at my parents' house for a couple of hours, so we had to drop all the toys off at Value Village before we went to get them.  If she had seen the bags, she would have lost her mind. 

I tried to be brutal.  I tried to be harsh.  I tried to be merciless.  It was hard.  Alot of the stuff I was tempted to keep, I wanted to keep for me.  Like I said, I have sentimental attachment to most everything. 
- the first dolly Sawyer got
- the books I bought for Sebastian when he had his first surgery
- the Kung Fu Panda toy I got for Sebastian when Sawyer was born
- the first book Sebastian wanted me to read
- the stuffed lobster I bought Sawyer for her first Christmas

Some I kept, most I got rid off.  I was good.

So, I am on my way.  My plan is to finish Sawyer's room, to be brutal.  Then on to Sebastian's room.  Mine, the bathroom, living room, linen closet, kitchen, storage, laundry room, garage, basement, etc, etc, etc. 

I am having a few tinglings of nerves and regret.  I worry that I got rid of too much stuff.  Hoarder's remorse, I guess.  I worry that when Sawyer is older, she will tell her therapist about the time that I threw away all her toys. 
A big part of this is my desire to move towards living simply.  And that includes my children.  I want them to play with simple, imaginative-play based toys.  I want to let my kids be kids and play with fun, basic toys.  I want them to play dress up and house.  I want to keep the toys at a minimum, and let them use the toys they have in new and amazing ways.

But I do worry that they will hate me for it. 

So for now, I blame the mess.  That should do it.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "next step".

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