"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Friday, March 30, 2012


I just saw a preview of the new documentary, called "Bully".  It basically follows kids through an entire school year, and shows everything that they go through.  The beatings, the thefts, the name calling, the harassment, the threats.  Apparently, it gets bad enough that the powers that be want to give it an R rating.  This would, of course, completely defeat the point of the movie, by not allowing the demographic that needs to see the movie most to even get through the door. 
The part that got me was the clips from the school bus, when they punch the young boy in the face, dump his backpack on the floor, slap him on the back of the head and stab him with a pencil.  They flash to his mom, sitting in the (I assume) Principal's office, saying that her son is not safe on the bus.  The principal responds with "I have been on that bus, and those kids are good as gold."  So basically, you are full of shit.  Get out of my office, you liar.

It makes me want to cry.

I cringe when I am out in public around teenagers.  To hear the way they talk, and curse and swear.  I know everyone will say that I was like that too, but I really wasn't.  I was always aware of my surroundings.  Sure, I might have been loud, and laughing, but I never called my friends stupid c*nts when there was a 3 year old 2 feet away.  NEVER.  But that happens.  And not just once...all the time. 

I watched the movie Kids a couple of years ago.  I turned it off.  It made me sick to my stomach.  Maybe I am vanilla.  Maybe I am old fashioned.  But I do know that I don't want my 13 year old getting stoned on E and getting raped at a party.  I don't want my 14 year old son stealing liquor and trying to de-flower as many girls as he can. 

I worry about my kids.  Even as young and innocent as they are.  I don't like alot of the world around me- the violence, the consumerism, the lack of manners and respect.  Not just kids but everyone.  I know, this is hypocritical coming from someone that takes horror photos and sells them.  But I protect my kids from that.  I want to protect them from the world.

I think, more and more, about homeschooling.  Sometimes I think the end of society might actually be a good thing.  Sometimes it gets really hard for me to see the good that people and kids do, when all I see are little @$$holes.

I don't know what to do.  I am trying to instill good behaviors and a foundation in my kids.  I want them to know that I will always, ALWAYS be here.  Yeah, I will be hardass sometimes.  Yeah, I won't always do what they like or want me to do.  They won't always get their way. 

But I will always provide that calm in the centre of the storm.  I will always be the warm comfort of home.  I will always provide safety and security. 

Don't know why I had to blog this today.  It was just weighing on me. 

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "now what?"

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