Through it all, me and the kids were together through the days, the nights, all of it. Yes, there were the occasional sleepovers at Grammie and Papa's and Grandma's. But for the most part, it was the 3 of us. Lots of it was super fun. Some of it was not quite as fun. Some days were down right rough. But through it all, there was the light at the end of tunnel - September 3, the first day of school.
Of course I cried.
I will do it all again tomorrow. And the day after. And the week after and the month after. All over again.
Last weekend, I was having this amazing conversation with someone. And I was trying to explain the magic and the romance in my life, that is being a mother. It is so hard to explain, because when you say it, plainly and basically, in real words, it sounds insane. How, last week, as I sat on my stained carpet in my bedroom, where I had to literally shove toys aside to find a clear spot, I could see the beauty in my surroundings. I folded basket after basket of laundry, as I looked at the clutter- my towering pile of yarn, waiting for projects to be started and finished, the stacks and stacks of kids' movies, scratched and worn, but ready to be played at a moment's notice, the cut up paper bits from the last art project, the dollies and the horses, the books and the stickers. All of it is the jumble of the poetry that is my life with kids. There is an inherent magic and beauty in it. I don't always see it. I don't always appreciate it. That day I did. That day, I could embrace the fact that it was noon, and I was still in my pyjamas and so were they. I could love that I had syrup on my cheek, when I hadn't had pancakes for breakfast. I could watch the sun come through the window and watch the wind move the curtains, and understand that I was living a fricking miracle.
Like I said- it sounds insane. Until you are there. In that moment. In the mess and the heat, and the love. And then it's magic.
I lost that magic for a little while today. I will keep losing it, little by little, every day, every week, every year.
I can't believe I couldn't wait for today. Silly Momma Bear.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "new school year".