Trying

For the last couple of months, off and on, I have been trying to get healthy- well, healthier.  Being as busy as we are, it has been easy to slip into fast food and laziness.  Both Geoff and I have been feeling it, the loginess, the extra weight, all of it.

We were doing really well for a while with the eating part.  With Sebastian and his limitations in diet, we had lots of organics, and very little snacky-type foods.  We slipped a little in the past month, but we are getting back on track.  I have been trying to cut out dairy, which is really hard.  REALLY hard.  But I am doing ok, with the exception of the occasional drunken craving for cheese on my pizza.  But I really want chocolate milk.  Sometimes, I would punch a kid in the face to get it.

The one aspect of our health attempts that was missing was the exercise.  Let me be blunt up front.  I hate exercise.  I mean HATE it.  I dread it, I think up any excuse to avoid it, I pretend to forget about it...I will do anything to get out of it. 

But I know I have to do it.

When I went to the naturopath, she was actually very inspiring.  She did a body scan, that looks at your muscle mass, your bones and your fat.  My bone and muscle mass is 142 pounds.  That made me happy.  That means, no matter how skinny I could get, I am really not going to ever be much below that.  And I am cool with that.  It means I can stop beating myself up because I don't weigh 120 lbs.  And that is so liberating- you have no idea.  She also tested my body and my cell's ability to conduct and burn energy.  Essentially, she said this is a way of testing the body's ability to work efficiently- basically, can your body burn up fat?  I forget the actual number, but it was something like 6.5-7 is normal range- right where you want to be.  I was burning at a 9.75.  My body wants to burn the fat.  It wants to help me.  That too, was inspiring.  I have always felt like my body works against me.  That no matter what I do, I just never get where I want to be.  Now I know- it's not my body- it's my head.

My head is my problem.  My head is where the bad voices are.  My head is what makes me give up, time and time again.  My head hates me, a little bit.  My head makes me cry, makes me angry and makes me look the way I do. 

But my heart is what makes me keep trying, again and again.

So, I am taking my inspiration where I can get it.

 

A dress I want to wear someday. 

A tattoo that I promised myself, if I can get down to a certain weight. 

Somewhere I want to go, something I want to be...anything.  I am hoping my heart, and my fat burning cells will kick my head firmly in the ass.  :)  If that makes any sense at all.

My friend Bill just ran 5 kilometres.  I am inspired.  My friend Teresa wants to run a half marathon.  I am motivated.  I am starting "Couch Potato to 5 K in 2 months".  Starting tomorrow.  I will let you know how it goes.

Keep your fingers crossed, keep your opinions to yourself, and keep telling me nice things- if I deserve them.

Rosie N. Grey

The N stands for "never give up."