"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Monday, May 16, 2011

Red Faced

Grr.  Today, my debit card was declined.  I hate that.  Especially when the money is in the bank.

I had to get new brakes on the car, front and back.  Big bucks.  But the mechanic told me approximately how much it would be, so before I went to go pick it up, I checked and DOUBLE checked the bank balance to make sure that I could cover it.  Green light.  Full speed ahead.

My dad comes to get me and Sawyer and we go get the car.  My cousin, Rodger, is the service manager, and is a sweetheart.  He talked to me about Geoff's dad, and we chatted.  The card machine hummed and buzzed and kicked out a decline code.  Hmmm.  Weird.  Try it again.

Declined.  Again.

So, at this point, my face is on fire.  I can't help it.  I blush when I am embarrassed.  I have NO idea why this is happening.  But, to say anything, make me look guity, or like I am making excuses.  Don't get me wrong.  I have been there.  I have been declined for the right reasons (that being, there was no money in my account.)  I did my time in the poor lane. 
But today, there is money in there, I just can't get it.

I give Rodger my credit card.  I just forgot, that in a fit of responsibility that I lowered the limit on my card to $1000.  And I have a $100 on it.  So that got declined as well. 

At this point, Rodger takes mercy on me, and tells me to come in at the end of the week and pay.  My dad, who, of course, is there for allllll  of this, jumps up and offers to pay.  I tell him no, and drag him and Sawyer out of the office.  I just want to get home.  My face is burning and I am berating myself the entire way home.  There is a pit in my stomach and I want to throw up.  I hate this feeling.  HATE it. 

Geoff and I went through a time, right around when Sebastian was born, where we were poor.  Dirt poor.  Where you are making a choice between groceries and gas.  The feeling, walking up to the cash register, and not knowing if it was going to go through.  If I spent one dollar more than I should have, everything would have crumbled down.  Mumbling excuses on why it was not going through- forgot the pin, must have had a bill come out, wrong card, blah, blah, blah.

I still get that pit in my stomach to this day.  I worked really hard, and scraped and clawed my way out of that hole we were in. We were doing pretty well, certainly not rich, but a little more comfortable.  But that feeling, that anxiety, never went away.

It doesn't help that I figured out the reason I was declined was the bank's fault.  For some reason, the bank set a $100 limit on my card.  About 2 years ago.  I can't put more than $100 on my debit card on any given day.  It makes grocery shopping a bitch.  It makes my life miserable.  But I figure if anyone ever gets a hold of my card, I won't lose more than a hundred bucks.

So, anyway.  I had a super embarrassing day.  It sucked.  It still sucks.  I am still embarrassed.  And now everyone knows about it, so if it happens again, and I get red faced, just ride the wave with me.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "kick in the Nuts".


  1. Oh bella, been there. Not for many years, but believe me I know that feeling. When I first moved out on my own, I lived with 6 other people in a bachelor apartment. We used to share oatmeal from the food bank out of a pot!

    Love you! xxxooo

  2. Shit I still get anxious when my debit card is transacting. I made that word up. And I ALWAYS check my balance. Still doesn't let that feeling up though.