"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Monday, January 30, 2012

Lunch Break

I am working from home today, and am currently on my lunch break (so not breaking any rules, eh?)

I am feeling unsettled today.  Don't know why.  I think it is a bit the time of year.   The end of January/ beginning of February feels like the heart of winter.  I know that I have nothing to complain about weatherwise- and I'm not complaining, really- but it just seems like the days seem to drag a little.  I don't have anything to look forward to, at least not immediately.  Everyone I know seems to be on or planning for a vacation.  My floors are muddy and slushy. 

It's this time of year that I start daydreaming about having the kids in shorts and t-shirts instead of snow pants and boots. 

I am trying to work against the blahs- I have planned some knitting projects, I am going to get the Valentines Day decorations out soon.  I am thinking about getting stuff organized for taxes, and spring cleaning and a budget.  I am researching some new learning techniques for the kids.  I am cooking and baking more.  I am feeding the birds and constantly looking out for new visitors to our feeders and ways to help the kids learning about them more and to actually be interested.  I am researching crafts, and looking for fun things to do. 

But, today, I still have that weird feeling. 

I think work plays a part.  We have been working on a back log, and I knew we were coming to the end of it.  However, we have now found out that the tasks we have been assigned are going to be ours until at least mid-April.  I think I am a little frustrated about doing the exact same thing every day, for the next 3 months.  The jobs I have been assigned are hit or miss...there is either very little or I am overwhelmed.  They aren't standard, but are shaped by the situations sent to us by other teams.  It can take me 20 minutes for 4 days to clear up.  I kinda just don't want to keep doing it.  But, I will.  Not much choice there.  And it could be much, much worse.
I am feeling frustrated that things at work aren't changing.  I and the rest of the team are trying to force it, (change that is) but it is slow going.  Oh well.  Work is work.  I just think about my bliss, and I read testaments from others that are following dreams.  As good as this job is to me, my dream is not to be a finacial analyst for Accenture.  I didn't draw pictures of that as a kid.  I don't play make believe with Sawyer about that now.  :) 
I just need to find a way to move more towards to my dreams.  I need focus. 

Financially, things could be better.  I always find January, after the holidays, a tough time.  I think everyone does.  I am working on a budget, a hard and fast, "actually written down" budget.  Lots of fun. :)  But, if I want to get to where I want to be, it has to happen.  I am in a learning curve, and I don't particularily enjoy that.  I like knowing everything. :)  I am, again, trying to make things happen, clear up problems, and create opportunities.  It's not easy, and it requires focus. 

I think, if I could 100% focus on any 1 of the areas above, I would feel better.  But I feel like I am committing only parts of myself to things that seem so very, very important.  I feel like I am being cheated, or cheating others. 

But hey, don't worry- I know, that's life.  I will get used to it.  Today is just a weird day.  Hope your's is more normal!

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "new day, new opportunities".

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