"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Sunday morning

There's just something about a Sunday...

It's still in the 8 o'clock hour.  Not crazy early, but not really "sleep in" zone either.  I have been awake for a couple of hours, just laying and thinking, dozing occasionally.  I have been up a couple of times- to let the dog out, to go pee and do my morning weigh in (blech). But mostly I laid there, with my pillows and blankets, and tried to find the sun.  I tried to figure out the good that I am going to look for in today, and remember the good of yesterday.  (It's an exercise I do to try and maintain positivity and attract more good to me.)

Finally I was done.  Up I got, and headed downstairs.  I made my smoothie, got a blankie and my laptop and turned on the fireplace. 

The kids are at Grammie and Papa's.  It's quiet right now, with ticking clocks and munching cats.  Axle sighs and huffs beside me, as he squirms and struggles to move me that extra inch so he can be truly comfortable.  I give in and give it to him. 

I'm not hung over today.  That's a bonus.  The only reason I mention this is because we went to a good friend's birthday party last night.  Typically, I would be a tiche hung over today.  But because I am PINK, I didn't have anything but some diet Pepsi's.  So, I'm all good today.  It's a nice feeling.  I remember this from my first go around with PINK.  Waking up the day after a night out, and in that second before I open my eyes, I would pause, expecting the headache and the roiling stomach.  And when it wasn't there, being happy, and surprised and amazingly validated.  Huh. 

It is so grey outside.  I took down the outside decorations yesterday, finally.  Each time I meant to, we would get some freezing rain, or ice, or snow, or a wind chill of -47.  So, they stayed up much longer than I intended.  And now they are down, and the front of the house is clean again.  I miss them, a little, with their colour and fun, but it was really time to go.  But the greys and browns of the world outside don't do much to lift the spirits.  It's why I am not a fan of this time of year.  I miss colour.  I miss vibrancy and life.

I guess I feel a bit melancholy today.  Not depressed or sad or anything like that.  Just a little reflective and introspective.  I have a plan of attack for today- finish Sawyer's room, finish the basement, get the donations organized and start on my paperwork for the year.  Should be good and productive.  Oh, right, I have to get my kids first.  There's the potential kink in the plan.  :)

On a Sunday morning, I sometimes miss going to church.  I used to go, when I was a teenager.  Long story, and not one for here.  Anyway, the church was down the street from my parents house, and every Sunday, Adam and I (or sometimes just me) would get dressed, walk down and attend Sunday School and then church.  There was a routine to it, a comfort and after a while, when we became known to the congregation, a sense of community and welcome.  I miss that.  I think about it with the kids sometimes.  There always seems to be something else to do though.  It's all excuses, I am very well aware of that, but as with everything else in the world, that first step and starting is the hardest.

So, for now, it gets put into the file in my head, under "Maybe someday".

Sunday morning quiet.
Sunday morning peace.
Sunday morning smoothie.
Sunday morning bath?

That sounds good.  Let's do that.  Before Sunday morning comes down.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "nothing short of dying, that's as lonesome as the sound...." 

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