Tonight, at dinner, Geoff was talking to me about a video he had seen on YouTube. It was a clip from Jamie Oliver, talking about the food used in American schools. The video refers to "pink stuff" aka the garbage left behind after butchering, which is filtered, washed with ammonia and mixed in as filler to ground beef. Specifically the ground beef used by McDonald's.
Sigh. We ate there yesterday.
I get to feeling this way, sometimes. I get overwhelmed by everything out there, everything that needs to be done and changed. It seems like no matter where you turn, no matter what you read, or watch or listen to, it's all about how horrible the air, the water, the food, the environment, the economy is. I begin to feel sad and lost and discouraged.
I subscribe to the theory (at least in part) that children with autism are our "canaries in the coalmine". I do believe that they have a genetic pre-disposition to be more sensitive to the chemicals and pollutants all around us. It affects their developments, both physical and mental. While I don't believe it can be reversed, I do believe there are things that can be done to lessen the impact.
So, why then, do I still have bleach in my house? Why doesn't my son sleep on cotton sheets? Do the fumes from his Walmart brand t-shirts stifle his mental development? Did the apple I gave him yesterday come coated in pesticides? What about the gluten in the pizza crust?
And what about Sawyer? She is so small. She refused to drink milk, since she firmly believes that milk should only be drunk in a "baba" and since she doesn't have them anymore, she doesn't have milk. And I don't force her too. I have read alot on the subject, and I am not fully convinced that cow's milk is good for anyone. Am I making a mistake? Will her bones become brittle and her teeth rot out of her head? How can I worry about that, when the little girl will sneak sips of my Diet Coke? Why am I even allowing Diet Coke in my house?
I know there is so much I need to do and change. I should eliminate all non-natural cleaning products from my house. I should buy nothing but organic, whole food. I should eliminate all processed foods. I should recycle everything...compost everything. We should drink water, reverse osmosis, not from individual bottles, but from a refillable jug. I should recycle all my batteries, cell phones and electronic equipment. I should eliminate the TVs from my house, and anything else that emits the electromagnetic field, that can change a person's brainwaves.
I should, I should, I should...
I do as much as I can. But it always feels like I should be doing more. I feel like I am doing harm, by not doing anything at all. And maybe I am.
I vow to try harder. I vow to try and learn more...the truth, not rhetoric or propaganda.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is anyone actually happy with their efforts? Does anyone know how to cope, how to feel good about what you are doing, without thinking that it isn't enough?
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "need to try harder."