"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Trying to Decide What's Right

Tonight, at dinner, Geoff was talking to me about a video he had seen on YouTube.  It was a clip from Jamie Oliver, talking about the food used in American schools.  The video refers to "pink stuff" aka the garbage left behind after butchering, which is filtered, washed with ammonia and mixed in as filler to ground beef.  Specifically the ground beef used by McDonald's.  

Sigh.  We ate there yesterday.

I get to feeling this way, sometimes.  I get overwhelmed by everything out there, everything that needs to be done and changed.  It seems like no matter where you turn, no matter what you read, or watch or listen to, it's all about how horrible the air, the water, the food, the environment, the economy is.  I begin to feel sad and lost and discouraged. 

I subscribe to the theory (at least in part) that children with autism are our "canaries in the coalmine".  I do believe that they have a genetic pre-disposition to be more sensitive to the chemicals and pollutants all around us.  It affects their developments, both physical and mental.  While I don't believe it can be reversed, I do believe there are things that can be done to lessen the impact. 

So, why then, do I still have bleach in my house?  Why doesn't my son sleep on cotton sheets?  Do the fumes from his Walmart brand t-shirts stifle his mental development?  Did the apple I gave him yesterday come coated in pesticides?  What about the gluten in the pizza crust?

And what about Sawyer?  She is so small.  She refused to drink milk, since she firmly believes that milk should only be drunk in a "baba" and since she doesn't have them anymore, she doesn't have milk.  And I don't force her too.  I have read alot on the subject, and I am not fully convinced that cow's milk is good for anyone.  Am I making a mistake?  Will her bones become brittle and her teeth rot out of her head?  How can I worry about that, when the little girl will sneak sips of my Diet Coke?  Why am I even allowing Diet Coke in my house?

I know there is so much I need to do and change.  I should eliminate all non-natural cleaning products from my house.  I should buy nothing but organic, whole food.  I should eliminate all processed foods.  I should recycle everything...compost everything.  We should drink water, reverse osmosis, not from individual bottles, but from a refillable jug.  I should recycle all my batteries, cell phones and electronic equipment.  I should eliminate the TVs from my house, and anything else that emits the electromagnetic field, that can change a person's brainwaves. 

I should, I should, I should...

I do as much as I can.  But it always feels like I should be doing more.  I feel like I am doing harm, by not doing anything at all.  And maybe I am.

I vow to try harder.  I vow to try and learn more...the truth, not rhetoric or propaganda. 

Does anyone else feel this way?  Is anyone actually happy with their efforts?  Does anyone know how to cope, how to feel good about what you are doing, without thinking that it isn't enough?

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "need to try harder."


  1. I can't think about that stuff day in and day out because I'm too busy getting through the day and living my life. We only get one crack at this thing called living and right or wrong, I'm going to enjoy it. Worrying about every little thing I put into my body or inhale into my lungs is only stiffling. I do the best I can within my parametres. The easy stuff, the affordable stuff. If I had someone to think for me and take care of all the stuff the right way that'd be great but alas that's not to be. So I choose to live my life and if going to McDonalds once in a while is contributing to me bailing from this world a year earlier so be it. Frankly I'd rather die from a massive MA than cancer anyways. So don't get hung up on the small stuff that sucks your time and energy and focus on all the other great ideas you have out there like spending more time with your kiddies and introducing them to different aspects of the world. You're already doing a great job!

  2. Thanks! Most days I am good. But sometimes, it's just overwhelming. We get through, it's what we do. :)

  3. I swear you read my mind for this post. I try...goodness knows I try...but is it ever enough? That's part of the reason I have stopped listening to the radio, or watching the news, or commercials, or reading the paper. I can only handle so much.

    One day at a time, right?

  4. You got it, Natalie. I figure something is better than nothing, and every attempt and every step forward is a good thing. Just keep on keepin' on. :)