"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Friday, October 29, 2010

Love, Lust and Friendship

Today, I heard some news.  Sad news.  About people that I care about.  Good friends.

A relationship is in trouble, and that is never a good thing.  While both of them are fine (actually, I only talked to her, not to him, but he's like Geoff- unflappable, so I am sure he seems fine, even if he happened to be broken inside) the whole situation is sad and fucked up. 

It makes me think.  About relationship in general, and about mine specifically. 

In general, I think I know a couple of happy couples.  Barb and Bill for one, Joel and Carrie for another, Kurt and Amber for a third.  Each of them seem genuinely happy with each other.  All of them have been married for alot of years, at least 9 or 10, and they are all still in love.  They set great examples. 

Barb and Bill have the best routines, and traditions.  They bet each other over ridiculous things, and truly enjoy the bragging rights of winning.  They understand each other so well, that Bill will cut people off, before they tell a story that would upset Barb (she can't stand to hear about people being cruel to animals).  They have inside jokes, they are perfectly happy and comfortable in each other's company, they can get drunk together, and they laugh all the time. They call each other "Shane" and the story behind it is awesome and sweet.  I know everyone has their ups and downs, and I am sure they have them too.  But they are the classic case of opposites attracting, and then once you see them together, you see how truly perfect they are together.  I would be shocked to the core if they ever split up.

Joel and Carrie
Joel and Carrie are another couple that sets a great example.  They have 2 beautiful kids, and are pretty much up for anything, anytime.  Carrie is soft spoken, but warm and genuine and funny.  She can also drink me under the table.  Which I love in a girl!  Joel we have known for about FOREVER, and he has truly found his match in Carrie.  They are warm and affectionate together.  If he sits in front of her, she plays with his hair.  When they are lounging on the couch, he will rub her arm or leg.  They do for each other constantly, and seem to be on the same page with just about everything. 

A truly crappy picture of Kurt and Amber
Kurt and Amber- well, they are some of the best people I know.  Amber has health issues, and Kurt has ALWAYS been there for her.  She, in turn, has supported him through everything- all his schooling, moves all over the country, and his ups and downs in his career.  They, too, are super affectionate, and totally in love.  They are inspiring.

So, what does that tell me?  It tells me that love, true love, is possible.  It exists.  And people have found it.  Even after the babies come, and it is suddenly 10 years later, and you are still seeing that same person across the breakfast table- love is still there.  And that is a big fucking deal. 

So what about me?  What have I got?  Well, obviously, I am not going to get into the gory details of the goods and bad of my relationship on here.  My mother reads this blog, for Christ sake. But here's what I know.

- Geoff can drive me crazy, absolutely fucking bananas, in the span of about 30 seconds.
- I care about what he thinks about- about the world in general and about me specifically.
- I think he needs to improve in certain areas (read house and yard work) but after 12 years with little progress, I still remain hopeful.
- I know him pretty well, but sometimes he surprises me. 
- I wish we talked more.  You know, "talked".  Like about things that I haven't given birth to.
- There have been times in my life that I have been mad enough to hit him.  I might, might, have actually taken a swing.  But never connected.
- I am an extremely jealous person.  I try to hide it, but he always knows.  And pretends he doesn't. 
- He says "like" too much.  As in " So I'm like "dude what's up?" and he's like "dude, not much".  And I'm like....".  And once I notice it, I can't NOT notice it.  And it makes me insane.
- His laugh, when he gets laughing really hard, is absolutely ridiculous.  It's like a grand mal seizure.
- He can't be wrong.  He corrects everything.  And I hate it when he corrects me and he's right.
- I usually win in the gift giving category.  I rock the house.  And he never believes me when I tell him not to get me anything.
- He hates my dog.  But pretends not to, for my sake.
- He always gets to sleep in on the weekends.  Even  when it's my turn, somehow, he still gets to sleep in.
- He's good to my parents. 
- He takes good photos. And is getting better at it every day.
- He believes he can't cook.  Everytime he makes a meal, he assumes I hate it, because he did a crappy job. But he is acutally an awesome cook.
- He never spits.  Which I love.
- He is always my designated driver.  Even when he didn't come out with me.  Even when I don't know where I am, just that the street is named after a movie.  (It was Highlander Street in Queenston.)
- He loves me, and tells me every day.  Even when I don't say it back. 
- I am not affectionate.  It makes me uncomfortable.  But I try to be, for him.

Where that leaves us is right here.  Together.  Still. 

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "near and dear".

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