"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Shit that stresses me out

I learned in a health and wellness seminar at work this week that I have what is called "chronic" stress.  That is to say that my stressed state outweighs my relaxed state and that I am not allowing myself to relax and rejuvenate after a stressful time.  Basically, I feel so much stress that I don't know what it is like to not feel stress.  I really don't.  I don't remember a time that I wasn't stressed.  So, per the advice I received, I am delving deep into my soul and sharing with all of you- the shit that stresses me out.  Anything crossed off has been taken care of.

1. Accounting course and final 3-hour exam.  DONE!  Wrote (and bombed) the exam last Saturday!
2. Sebastian's dental surgery.  DONE!  After a month long delay, finally got the surgery done and done.  Aside from some disorientation and the subsequent violence, some bleeding and grumpiness, the kid came it with flying colours.
     2a. Sebastian's heart murmur.  Yep.  This anesthetist heard it too.  Shit.
3. Money.  This never leaves.  Until I win a hundred million dollars in the lottery, this will always be on the list.  But it isn't super high.  All good.
4. Sawyer's speech.  Again, coming along.  She is talking much better, and even though she isn't quite where she should be, she is doing great and making strides.  Superstar.
5. Running.  Still doing it.  Moved from week 3 to week 4 finally, after repeating week 3 three times, because I was afraid of what would happen in week 4.  I am a fraidy cat.
6. Having a functional and working website for Cracked Lens.  I want to make money at something I love and this would go a long way to helping that.  But I am seeing some good things coming with this, thanks to Kevin, so I am getting excited about this.
7. Christmas presents.  I just want everyone to love what they get, and to have a good Christmas.  'Nuff said.
8. The current cleanliness of my house.  This is a big one.  I don't know when this will get better.  This causes me more stress than is probably healthy.  I can actually feel my blood pressure rise when I walk into the house and it is messy.  I hate cleaning and then coming home to a pig sty.  I hate that my feet crunch when I walk across the carpet, and stick to the kitchen floor.  I hate seeing dog hair in the corners.  Stress, stress, stresssssssssssss.....
9. Geoff's current state of employment ( or lack thereof).  DONE!  Geoff is now gainfully employed.
     9a. Babysitting situation.
     9b. How will Sebastian get on the bus everyday?
     9c. What will his schedule be like?
     9d. Will this be good for him, meaning Geoff?
     9e. How will this impact the photography?
     9f. Will Axle be lonely through the day, or can we get a sitter for him?
10. Sebastian's therapy.  I want to get private therapy for Sebastian.  He is capable of so much more, I think, and neither I or Geoff know how to bring it out of him.  I think this therapy would help.  It also costs $2000 a month.  *sigh*  How do I make that work?
11.  Sawyer's potty training.  I asked Geoff to train her in the summer.  I asked again in September.  I mention it on a weekly basis.  Yep, that's right.  It's not done.  Not even started.  *sigh heavily*
12. The house.  I love my house, but I HATE it too.  I hate the rooms I haven't touched.  I hate the clutter that seems to build on its own on every open surface.  I hate the old lady decorating, and the crappy floors and everything that is ugly and not mine.  I hate the crappy flowerbeds, and the weedy lawn, and the too-small side porch, and the cracks in the foundation.  I hate the old windows, the old furnace and the non-existent air conditioner.  And I hate that I never seem to have the money, or the time to fix it. 

Ok, that's all for now.  That's enough.  Next post- Things that depress me.  #1- this list.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "next on the list...."


  1. 1. Ok, yeah!! Are you sure you bombed it though? You probably did better than you think. And even if you bombed it, as long as you passed...

    2. It's all downhill from here. The tough part it done and it went smooth as silk.
    2 a). Atleast the murmur has been detected now and not when he's in his 20's and you find out the hard way. Time to start those tests. But I can tell you this, the murmur won't make him love you any less.

    3. Join the crowd.

    4. She's moving in the right direction and once it truly starts, you won't be able to stop it. Stay on top of her and keep practicing, that's all you can do right now.

    5. Ugh, I got nothing for here. I rejoined the gym last monday and it takes a lot of motivation to get me to go, but I do. Good for you for sticking it out for 6 weeks though...

    6. Stay on top of that guy and keep motivated and you'll have that in no time. But I agree, you need this operation to start truly making money.

    7. Everyone will. We always do.

    8. If you want me to come over one weekend and do a thorough organization and toss shit out and make donate piles I will!! I debate leaving my current job to become a professional organizer, so I'm not even kidding. I'm a drill sargeant though, so you might hate me in the end. BUT, your house will be tidy and decluttered and clean.

    9. Yah!! Where?? When does he start? What is it? Exciting.
    a. Your parents?
    b. Your parents?
    c. Shouldn't stress you out, as you have no control over this.
    d. It will be good with your number 3 problem for the time being so that's enough.
    e. Stay on top of him and it shouldn't.
    f. Call Eric.

    10. I don't have a solution for this one, and that sucks, because it would be so amazing for him.

    11. She's just over two. She's just coming into the age where she should be starting training when she's going to truly understand. So don't bother stressing yet. They say between 2 1/2 and 3 years old.

    12. I hear you here as well. One room at a time. From start to finish is the best way to tackle it. Or one project at a time. From start to finish. Not ten projects not completed. Call me if you need help painting or ripping up carpets.

    Or tell me to fuck off with my advice. :)

  2. Thank Holly...I might very well take you up on the organizational bit. Actually, I am not really the problem. I can be pretty brutal when it comes to cleaning stuff out. But I live with a big sentimental "girl" that tends to second guess, or worse, just stashes stuff in better hiding spots, so that I don't know where it is, until I run across it. But the majority of my problems boil down to not having enough hours in a day. My new year's resolution is to simplify my life. Truly and completely. Things that do not add to the betterment of my or my family's life is out. Learning to say no. Keeping my work/life balance in check. Making time for myself. You know, all those Oprah things. :) But I will definitely be in touch for the painting and ripping up carpets, that is too good an offer to pass up!

  3. For reals! I'm around. I'm always around. :)

    We have do a 'hoarders' type thing with Geoff then. Make him sort into three catagories and put on the pressure. Or do it while he's working. Probably an even better idea.