Psyched out.

So, last night, I met with a psychic.

First off, she was very nice.  She wasn't all flash and bobbles, trying to look like a gypsy or anything like that.  I was relieved a little when I saw her.  I am always afraid they will look ridiculous and I will be distracted by how much I don't believe them.

Right off the bat, she asked me about headaches and anxiety.  Bing, bing.  She said the anxiety is coming from everywhere, she couldn't pinpoint a source.  Bing, again.  I asked if it would get better.  She said "Eventually."  *sigh*  I was hoping for tomorrow.

She told me lots of things, and some things I won't mention here.  She wasn't dead on (I don't know a Ben, or Blaine, or Blair, for example, even though she mentioned him about 3 times).  But some stuff was creepy and startling.

She told me I wasn't meant for the job I am doing, which involved lots of paperwork, detailed work and numbers.  But she was confused, because she said I also worked with families and children.  I told her I am a finance analyst but I also volunteer with a children's charity.

She asked if my husband was depressed.  Something was wrong and he needs to deal with it, or it will impact everyone and everything.

She asked if my son was normal (after excusing herself, since she didn't know how to phrase it properly.)  She said that he is a good kid, and he is what he is.  But she said that those "big fears" I have hidden about him aren't true, that he will have a good life, and eventually live separate from me.  She said it would break my heart, but it was a good thing.

She said that my fears about Sawyer are unfounded.  Sawyer will do well in school, but will always skirt that edge of being a smartmouth, and loud.  She will always have a way with words, and will always do well.

I asked if there were any spirits around that wanted to talk to me.  She told me that I was very spiritual but that I close myself off from that side of myself.  Not out of disbelief, but to try and live my life.  She said that I don't sleep well, not that I don't sleep, but that when I do, I don't feel rested when I wake up.  Apparently that is because I close myself to the guidance and forces in the universe during the day, because I am heads down, living my life, trying to get'r done.  But when I sleep, I am open to everything.  And then it is constant information bombardment, and travelling and conversations and learning. So by the time I wake up, I am exhausted.  She said I need to start directing these conversations and learning, by asking for what I need guidance on- my career, my kids, choices etc.  And I need to open myself more to my inutitive side when I am awake. 

But she did say that there was an "R" woman there.  My grandma's name was Rosie.  She asked if my grandma was an avid gardener.  I said no, she gardened a bit, but wasn't crazy about it.  She looked confused and said "Then what about the lilacs?  All I can smell is lilacs."

That was when I started crying.

When my grandma died, and we were cleaning out her stuff, I took her perfume bottle.  It was just a cheap little one, but it was lilac scented and smelled totally like her.  To this day, one of my very favorite scents in the world is lilacs and every single time I smell it, I think of her. 

So, yeah, that freaked me out. 

She said that Grandma would be around for a few days, now that I had welcomed her.  Something with a bird will happen and that will be her sign.  She said if weird things are happening, and I don't like it, tell her to stop.  But I don't think I will.

I asked about Kit.  Apparently there was another man there, but we didn't talk to or about him.  She asked if Kit worked nights.  I said yes.  She asked if he walked funny.  I said yes (he constantly bounced.)

She asked if it was cancer.  Yes.  Then she asked what was wrong with his hands?  Did he have ezcema?  Nope, nothing like that.

And as she is talking, she is itching her palms.  Then she moves from itching her palms to her fingers.  Then starts twisting her fingers together.  She looks at me and says "It's not him, it's your son."

For those that don't know, Sebastian CONSTANTLY twists and twines his fingers together.  Non-stop.  It's kind of freaky, I can't even replicate it, because my fingers don't bend like his.

She said that this was the sign from Kit that he is looking out for him.  That I would have to give my permission, for it to be ok.  Of course, it is.  I welcome it.

Randomly, she said "He said Zombie.  You watch zombies.  He watched it with you."  FYI, I wore long pants and long sleeves, just so she wouldn't see my tattoos.

At the end, when he had to leave, she said his parting words were "I will see you at the italian restaurant." 

One of Geoff's favorite Billy Joel songs is Scenes from an Italian Restaurant.  He put it on the funeral playlist.  Geoff just played it yesterday.  Every time we hear it, we think of Kit.

There was more, but it is starting to fade a bit.   She said my carpal tunnel is undiagnosed, but doesn't need surgery.   I need support, but it is why my hands get tingly at night.  She said I might move rural, but not for a number of years.  She said that I would get thinner, that I wanted it bad enough.  And more.

So, I am psyched out.  A bit.  Comforted and unsettled.  And I have a headache. 

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "new ideas"