Selfish?

Today I made a decision.  I quit the Autism Ontario fundraising committee. 

I joined about a year ago, after I had quit the charity committee at work (are you seeing a trend here??)  I had been with the charity committee at work for about 6 years (maybe longer, I lose track), and had lost my passion for it.  I was starting to get a martyr complex, so I knew it was time to move on.  I thought it would be a good idea to deal straight with the charity itself, one that I am passionate about and one where I think I can do some good.

The relationship at first, was great.  They were very much stuck in their ways, but I was able to make some suggestions and help out.  However, the core team had been together for a lot of years, were good friends outside of the committee and it was difficult to break into the circle.  After 8 months on the committee, there were still some of them that didn't know my name.  *sigh*

Lately, I was growing more and more resentful of the time and energy it was asking of me.  I have been trying to split my time between all of the mulitple facets of my life, but I was finding that less and less was going to charity.  It didn't seem right and it didn't seem fair, to them or to me.

So, I quit. 

It helped that they sent an email out, asking for a recommitment.  It provided the perfect opportunity to bow out gracefully.  I probably would have dragged it out for much longer, had the email not come along.

I am not closing the door on volunteering.  I have learned though, just like with money, the volunteering of one's time and energy is much easier, when it is there in abudance.  To give a day, when you have time to spare is easy.  To give an hour, that you don't really have to begin with, is much harder.  I guess I failed that test.  In my soul, it makes me feel bad.

But, there is a bit of weight off my shoulders.  With every meeting I rescheduled or cancelled, I felt more and more guilty.  I have volunteered to assist with some of the activities (come see me at the Pen Centre on October 19 and 20!) but I will no longer organize them.

Maybe, someday, I can go back to giving. 

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "not happy."