Not again.

No sooner do I post a blog about how Morph is ok, do I get news to the contrary. 

I had mentioned that when I took Morph to the vet, they did blood and urine.  The results came back.

I knew it wasn't good when:
1. When the vet called and left her message that the blood work was back, she didn't say "It's all good."  Just 3 little words.  Easy to say.  But she didn't.
2. When I didn't return her call yesterday (because we had a hotel room for Sleep Cheap), she called back today.  Again- no "It's all good."
3. When I did call back today, and told the receptionist why I was calling, she put me on hold to go get the vet..out of another appointment.  So not good.

So, the basics are that Morph is very likely diabetic and he has stage 2 (of 4) kidney disease.

There was some talk about what can be done.  Kidney disease is not curable,  but can be controlled and the progress potentially slowed down.  The diabetes would still need to be confirmed through more blood work.

I told her I had to think about it.  I feel horrible saying that.  I wanted my answer to be "Yes, of course, anything you say.  Spare no expense.  Save my boy."

But the reality is that I can't afford thousands of dollars (or even hundreds) in medications and tests.  I have one income right now, plus therapy and meds for Sebastian, nursery school for Sawyer.  I started my own vitamin regime, to help me feel better, and that costs money. Christmas is coming.  So no, I don't have money to spare.

Morph is also 15 years old.  I find it hard to justify doing all this stuff, just to have him die of old age in a year (or a month!) anyway. 

But as I type this, Morph is laying with his front paws and head laying on my right arm.  It's his new favorite position.  He meows at me if my typing disrupts his sleep too much.  He is heavy and warm and so cute.  I have spent much of the afternoon trying not to cry, as I think about what I want to do, what I can do, and what I should do.  It's so hard.  So hard.

I talked to Geoff, and he is understanding where I am coming from.  He gets it.  His vote is to get more information on what will happen if we don't do treatment, if we let him be.  He doesn't seem to be in any pain, but what do I know?? 

I am at a loss.  I am going to sleep on it, and try to decide tomorrow.  Tonight I will sleep with my kitty, and enjoy him while it lasts.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "not again."