"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Friday, April 6, 2012

Love the way you look

Another snapshot into my life with Sawyer.

Today, we were playing after work, and painting a little bird house that she had gotten from one of her friends at school for Easter.  As we worked, we talked.

Earlier in the day, she had come to me, as I worked, with a treasure.  She had pilfered the container of strawberries from the fridge, and had smuggled her ill-gotten gain to me. 

She knows she isn't supposed to have strawberries.  We think she has a mild allergy, since she gets a nasty looking rash on her backside and the backs of her legs when she has too many of them.  She knows this, but she still loves them.

These strawberries were gigantic, Chernobyl-type strawberries, almost the size of small apples.  They were awesomely delicious, and I couldn't help but let her have a couple.  We shared them in secret, as I kept warning her to not have anymore.  I kept telling her "Your bum is going to hurt later."

When we were painting later, she asked me about it.  She wanted to know why the strawberries would hurt her, and if they would hurt me.  I told her no, they didn't hurt me, but it was like apples with Grammie.  Sometimes food wasn't good for certain people, and they had to stay away from it. 

She asked if there were any foods that would hurt me.  I said no, not really, but Sebastian can't have regular milk or regular bread.  Daddy can't have cheese, without taking his special pills.  She understood all that, and agreed.  Again she asked, can any food hurt me?

Now I have been trying to eat healthy and exercise and have been doing pretty well.  The past week, however, has been a bit of a struggle.  I have hit the 9 week mark.  I miss pop.  I miss chocolate and candy and pizza.  I miss fried, crunchy goodness.  So, as she asked me these questions, this was on my mind.

So I told her "Lots of foods can hurt me.  I have to be really careful about the food that I eat now.  You know how momma exercises every night?  I do that so that I won't look like this anymore.  I want to be a thinner and prettier mom for you and Bastian."  She looked confused. 
I continued "For me, food like candy and cookies hurt me.  They make me bigger and heavier.  They make me very unhappy.  I don't want a big belly, I don't want to look like that."

She looked up from her painting, very serious and said "But I love the way you look."

I was shocked.  I hugged my girl and thanked her. I told her then she is one of the best things that ever happened to me. 

"I know," she said.

Love that kid. 

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "need perspective from my kids more often."

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