"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Thursday, May 24, 2012


So, as I mentioned the other day, lots of people have been noticing my weight loss and have had some very favourable comments.  It's all very gratifying and a little embarassing.  I am not good at taking compliments, but I am trying very hard to be gracious and sincere.  I truly do appreciate them, but it is not something that I am at all used to.  Nobody (well, almost nobody- Geoff has always been supportive!) ever had anything nice to say about the way I looked for a lot of years, with good reason!  So now, it's weird to hear, but again, I am truly grateful.

However, lately, especially over the last week, I have been getting reminders that, as far as I have come, I still have a long, LONG way to go. 

While people that have known me for a while and have seen the "before" vs the "current", notice the weightloss, to people that DON'T know me well, or are meeting me for the first time don't think of me as thin.  I am still fat.  I hate the word and rarely use it, but it's true. 

It can be discouraging and disheartening.  It can make me feel defeated, and all other kinds of D words (LOL...I don't know, I just used alot in the last 2 sentences.)  I try to maintain the positive thoughts and feelings and to appreciate how far I have come.  I think about how I feel more comfortable in my skin and it all makes me feel better. 

But still, the reminders are always there.

I guess I should use this as motivation to keep trying hard.  And I will.  But my partner in all of this is very close to her goal weight.  It will be interesting to see what it is like to continue all on my own.  To continue to struggle and try, when she is able to maintain.  I am thrilled for her, but am nervous for myself.   She looks amazing and has worked really, really hard (I have had tons of cheats and breaks.  She has had one.  That's it.  Sheesh.  :)  She has earned what she has and the attention that is a by-product of that work.  It will be strange however to continue solo, after having a partner for so long.

So, I will try and not focus on the reminders of the bad, and instead focus of the reinforcements of the good.  It's all I can do, if I want to stay sane and successfull.  And I do...I really, really do.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "not just big-boned".

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