Beaner

Tomorrow, my little girl turns 5.  Five years old.  That is almost as long as it took me to have her.  She has been with us almost as long as I dreamed about her. 

Pretty Princess Sawyer

I talk a lot about Sawyer in this blog and on Facebook, and in person and...well, kinda all the time.  She amuses me to no end.  I always have Sawyer stories.  She is hilarious and awesome and I am just inspired and annoyed and infuriated and in love with her every single day.  I would not be who I am today, without her. 

So, in celebration of her birthday, here are some things that I always want to remember about Sawyer.


She put this outfit together herself.  Giddy'up.

 1. The way she was born.  I had a home birth for Sawyer.  I didn't even believe I was in labour for most of the day, until it got to be round about 7pm, and I started having trouble walking and talking when these cramps would come on.  I asked Geoff to not bother the midwife, even though the contractions were only 4 minutes apart.  When she was finally born, at 10:30pm exactly, the midwife put her up on my chest.  I cried and cried and kissed her goopy, gross head (it really wasn't that bad).  I couldn't look at her enough.  She had dark hair, and stork bites on her neck.  It was probably about 3 or 4 minutes before either Geoff or I thought to even check if she was a boy or a girl.  When I saw that she was a girl, I couldn't believe it.  I cried more.  That very first night, I nursed her for the very first time. It was like nothing I had ever done before, and felt like a miracle.  I fell asleep with her in my arms. 

 2. The way she falls asleep.  Sawyer, from the time she was a little tiny baby has loved to rub people's earlobes to fall asleep.  I don't know how many times I have held her, with my head craned all the way over to one side, so that she could rub my ear lobe between her fingers as she drifts off.  She still does it, occasionally, to this very day.

3. The way she reads books.  When Sawyer concentrates or reads or does anything with intense passion (so, basically when she does anything) she pulls faces.  I used to be (and still am, a tiny little bit) worried that it was something like Tourette's Syndrome, which my nephew has. But I have been assured that Tourette's is mostly prevalent in boys (like autism) and really doesn't manifest until they are much older.  Turns out, she is probably just a weirdo. :)

4.  The way she dances.  Well, and truly, she dances like no one is watching.  Full body, unself conscious.  She doesn't do it once she notices that you are watching her, but if you can catch her in the moment, when she is singing to herself or acting out a play or an imaginary ballet, you can catch magic in movement. She is wonderful when she dances.


Little Miss Blue Eyes

 5. Ketchup.  Forever after in my life, ketchup will always make me think of Sawyer.  She eats it on pretty much everything- at one time or another I have seen her dunk the following in ketchup: chicken fingers, pasta, pancakes, French toast, bacon, toast, gummie bears, pineapple, apple, strawberries and so much more.  She pretty much constantly has ketchup somewhere on her body; on her face, in her hair, on her hands or her shirt. Her kisses often have a distinctive ketchup scent to them as well.

6. How she talks.   Oh my.  I wish I had a tape recorder running constantly for this kid.  She comes up with something new, every day, that makes me laugh.  I try and temper her outrageous statements with some real life lessons.  As funny as it was to hear her tell me today that I was getting a knuckle sandwich if I kept (fill in blank here) up, I did explain to her that it wasn't appropriate to say that anyone, especially her mother.  She is very aware of language right now, and tries out new words and phrases that she hears and overhears.  We have a list of "bad" words, that she knows that she is not supposed to say.  Call me old fashioned, but I don't like to hear certain words come out of the mouth of a 5 year old.  She isn't allowed to say things like "oh my God", "shut up", "I hate...", stupid or other things along those lines.  But lordy- does she love pointing out when you do it.  She is starting to understand a little that some people are allowed to say those things- like grown ups and older kids.  She understands that even her friends might say them.  But she also understands that Mommy doesn't like it, so she promises me that she tries "really, really, really, really, really, really hard" not to say them.  I believe her.  

 7. The way she loves me.  As open and expressive as she is, her affection isn't always worn right on her sleeve.  Sebastian actually spontaneously tells me that he loves me more than Sawyer does.  But how she does show it is in her absolute and total dedication to me and her family.  She will scream my name and come running when she sees me.  She insists on hugs before anyone leaves the house.  She has to have smooches and good dream talks before bed.  She has to hold hands when we are out.  She insists on super tight bear hugs, snuggle time, and tickle monsters.  Love flows out of her in a constant tide.  She is the epitome of the fact that love is in the actions, not the words.  If she never said that she loved me again, I would always know, without a doubt, that her love for me is far and deep and wide.

She is eating peanut butter off her feet.  Seriously. 
She wanted me to take a picture of it.

So, happy birthday, Sawyer Bean.  Your mommy is so very proud of you. 

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "never enough Sawyer".