Because I get to work from home, in my pjs, in bed. As Geoff says, I am living the dream.
Because my daughter is curled up right beside me, smelling like sweet grapes and apple juice. Once in a while, her sticky fingers reach up to rub my ear, a sure sign she is relaxing and feeling sleepy.
Because the dog is on the bed, with his head on a pillow. He just stretched and sighed, and I swear he is smiling.
Because I can see the sun. It is a little harsh and very bright, but it's changed a bit of the sky to blue. It is replenishing my Vitamin D, and reminding me of spring.
Because I can hear the wind. It's howling and blowing outsides, and me and mine are snuggled up warm inside.
Because Sebastian came in this morning, full of smiles and love. He gave me hugs and was so excited about so many things.
Because Geoff made me a coffee. In a big Kermit mug. The mug came from 2 of my favorite people, and when I drink out of it, it reminds me of them. Thanks J&C.
Because I have been productive at work this morning and crossed a few things off the to-do list. I still have a long way to go, bu at least I am heading in the right direction.
Because there are orange flowers on my dining room table right now. I bought them for myself.
Because I get paid tomorrow.
Because my knees stopped aching.
Because the cat, dog and fish have been fed.
Because, right now, so far as I know, all is right with the world.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "now, right now."
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Homemade
I know I keep randomly mentioning these new year resolutions that I have. I really don't have them clearly defined, but rather these ideas of things that I want to have improved in my life. Things like putting family first, reconnecting with friends, tying up loose ends in my life, baking more, being healthy, being more positive, realizing and maintaining my priorities, simplifying everything.
You know, nice, little, simple stuff like that. :) Yeah, I know, I know, it's a tall order.
Another one is to do more handmade and homemade. Get back to basics. There are some things I want to learn- how to sew, how to cook, how to bake. Yes, I know a little, but I would like to know more.
On Facebook, there was a post going around. The first 5 people to comment on my status get something handmade by me, sometime this year. I have a couple of things picked out already and I have to learn some new stuff in order to make it happen (hello double pointed needles and cabling!) but I hope it will work out well. It is a nice jumpstart and motivation to me to keep going.
Over Christmas, I did make some Christmas gifts. For the nursery school teachers, Sebastian's OT and Kathy, I knitted ruffle scarves. I used the Redhart Sashay yarn and they turned out great. Everyone seems to like them. (just in case anyone is interested in them, I still have some colours, and I sell them. Just message me!! :)
For Joel and Carrie's kids, I am (still) knitting awesome hats. Their son will get the R2D2 hat, and their daughter gets the Princess Leia hat. They are awesome.
For the people at work, I made "Flunkie" shirts. We have a saying at work that we are all just "the flunkies that work the numbers." So, everyone on the team got their own Flunkie shirt, with their own sayings.
You know, nice, little, simple stuff like that. :) Yeah, I know, I know, it's a tall order.
Another one is to do more handmade and homemade. Get back to basics. There are some things I want to learn- how to sew, how to cook, how to bake. Yes, I know a little, but I would like to know more.
On Facebook, there was a post going around. The first 5 people to comment on my status get something handmade by me, sometime this year. I have a couple of things picked out already and I have to learn some new stuff in order to make it happen (hello double pointed needles and cabling!) but I hope it will work out well. It is a nice jumpstart and motivation to me to keep going.
Over Christmas, I did make some Christmas gifts. For the nursery school teachers, Sebastian's OT and Kathy, I knitted ruffle scarves. I used the Redhart Sashay yarn and they turned out great. Everyone seems to like them. (just in case anyone is interested in them, I still have some colours, and I sell them. Just message me!! :)
For my mom, Sawyer and I made gazing balls for her garden. We got the idea from another blog. They turned out great, and I think I will end up making some for myself for this summer.
For my Dad, Sawyer and I made a birdhouse. She painted it all by herself, after I put it together. She also proceeded to tell Papa about if about once a week, right up until Christmas.
For Geoff, the kids and I made him a massage t-shirt. Again, we got the idea from another blog. Basically, on the back of a white tshirt, you draw a city with streets. On all the different blocks, we each took possession and the kids told me what would be at each of our houses. In Sebastian's Suburb, he had hippos, and a slide and a swing. Sawyer's Farm had horses and cows, chickens and more. Mom's mansion had a garden with carrots, potatoes and pumpkins. And Dad's house has the sign to Dadville, 2 monkeys and a big TV. All courtesy of the kids.
When we gave him the t-shirt, we gave him a pack of hot wheels cars. So, when he puts on the shirt and lays down, the kids can take the cars, and drive them through the city on his back.
I think it was a good start. Next year, I want to try and start earlier, so that I can do more. But I am pretty proud of this, so far. Yeah me.
p.s. I have pictures of most everything above, but since Sawyer has very considerately hidden my camera on me, the pictures will be uploaded at a later date. I used these ones as representations, but they aren't mine. :)
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "a whole New me".
Monday, January 16, 2012
There is a doctor in the house.
Over the holidays, it was pretty much a free-for-all when it came to technology. Sebastian, who had been doing so well, backpedaled to about 6 hours of TV a day. Geoff was pretty much glued to his iPad. Sawyer would fight Geoff for iPad rights. I felt like the only one that wasn't starving for technology. I also went back to work, so spending 8+hours a day on a computer really doesn't lend itself to more computer time at home.
I decided that the time of TV had past. Today was the first day on the technology diet (for Sebastian and Sawyer, anyway.) Sebastian was allowed 1 hour of TV, just before bed. The time between school ending and that magical hour before bedtime needed to be filled with other pursuits.
He did a great job. He played with his stuffies and toys in his room and the hallway. He read some books. He listened to music. He came down to the kitchen and began to learn to read recipes as he helped me make bread. After dinner, he became the first patient for Doctor Sawyer.
Now, Sawyer really never has an issue in entertaining herself. She has a very active imagination, and isn't afraid to use it. She had us all (even Geoff!) in a musical parade tonight. She had the clapper, I had the tambourine, Sebastian had bells and Geoff was the drummer. Around and around the center wall we went, marching fast and slow, with the dog freaking out. After that, she had lots of other parade ideas, including a butterfly parade. She told me all about it in the bath tub. We will save that for tomorrow.
So, tonight, Sawyer decided to play doctor....with all of us. Sebastian was first, but didn't last long under careful and yes, painful ministrations. I was next. I was the bravest.
She had set up her office in the living room, with her tools of the trade laid out across the coffee table. It starts with a severe pounding on the elbows and knees with a reflex hammer. If she doesn't get an appropriate reaction (a high pitched yelp with a violent jerking of the limb usually does it) then she just pounds harder. Sometimes her aim is off, and she will hit your forehead, instead of your elbow. You have to stay sharp. Next comes the open mouth check. Really, it's all about a strong gag reflex. There is also heart check, blood pressure (she gets bored, so you have to do it yourself. Don't think about stopping, 'cause it's 'portant) needles, temperature (taken in your armpit, thank God I taught her that!) and so much else.
Eventually, I was diagnosed with an acute case of beaver throat. That is, a beaver is stuck in my throat. The cure was that I had to hug a stuffed Dora, while Sawyer cut my hair.
It must be a naturopathic cure.
Eventually Dr. Sawyer also diagnosed Sebastian with crocodile ear and Geoff with giraffe head. Sebastian chose to live with his condition, and carried on bravely. Geoff had a series of shots- like seriously, I think she stabbed him 20 times- and even then, there was no guarantee of the cure. Dr. Sawyer is such a good physician, she even diagnosed herself with hippopotamus of the elbow.
All in all, it was a wonderful first night away from the TV. Here's to many more.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "never argue with the doc."
I decided that the time of TV had past. Today was the first day on the technology diet (for Sebastian and Sawyer, anyway.) Sebastian was allowed 1 hour of TV, just before bed. The time between school ending and that magical hour before bedtime needed to be filled with other pursuits.
He did a great job. He played with his stuffies and toys in his room and the hallway. He read some books. He listened to music. He came down to the kitchen and began to learn to read recipes as he helped me make bread. After dinner, he became the first patient for Doctor Sawyer.
Now, Sawyer really never has an issue in entertaining herself. She has a very active imagination, and isn't afraid to use it. She had us all (even Geoff!) in a musical parade tonight. She had the clapper, I had the tambourine, Sebastian had bells and Geoff was the drummer. Around and around the center wall we went, marching fast and slow, with the dog freaking out. After that, she had lots of other parade ideas, including a butterfly parade. She told me all about it in the bath tub. We will save that for tomorrow.
So, tonight, Sawyer decided to play doctor....with all of us. Sebastian was first, but didn't last long under careful and yes, painful ministrations. I was next. I was the bravest.
She had set up her office in the living room, with her tools of the trade laid out across the coffee table. It starts with a severe pounding on the elbows and knees with a reflex hammer. If she doesn't get an appropriate reaction (a high pitched yelp with a violent jerking of the limb usually does it) then she just pounds harder. Sometimes her aim is off, and she will hit your forehead, instead of your elbow. You have to stay sharp. Next comes the open mouth check. Really, it's all about a strong gag reflex. There is also heart check, blood pressure (she gets bored, so you have to do it yourself. Don't think about stopping, 'cause it's 'portant) needles, temperature (taken in your armpit, thank God I taught her that!) and so much else.
Eventually, I was diagnosed with an acute case of beaver throat. That is, a beaver is stuck in my throat. The cure was that I had to hug a stuffed Dora, while Sawyer cut my hair.
It must be a naturopathic cure.
Eventually Dr. Sawyer also diagnosed Sebastian with crocodile ear and Geoff with giraffe head. Sebastian chose to live with his condition, and carried on bravely. Geoff had a series of shots- like seriously, I think she stabbed him 20 times- and even then, there was no guarantee of the cure. Dr. Sawyer is such a good physician, she even diagnosed herself with hippopotamus of the elbow.
All in all, it was a wonderful first night away from the TV. Here's to many more.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "never argue with the doc."
Monday, January 9, 2012
Blogging Machine
I know I have been absent lately. But I have still been blogging. Yes, I have been cheating on this blog with not one, but two other blogs.
My first blog is for Through a Cracked Lens. I had taken a little break at the end of last year. We had a couple of disappointing shows, and not really the response that I would have liked to some of our new stuff. I was discouraged and sad and feeling like a failure. So, I took a little break. Now, it's a new year, and time for a new try. I have created a blog and have a few ideas:
The 2nd blog is an offshoot of Cracked Lens. We called it TaCL Portraits. You can read about it on the website, but it is for the special needs families that we shoot. I have also included the weddings that we shot over the years, and will include some of the shoots that Geoff has done of our own little people. Hopefully it will generae a little business for us. Fingers crossed.
So, while I have been neglectful, I haven't been lazy. But I promise to take care of you too from now on.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for new blogs.
My first blog is for Through a Cracked Lens. I had taken a little break at the end of last year. We had a couple of disappointing shows, and not really the response that I would have liked to some of our new stuff. I was discouraged and sad and feeling like a failure. So, I took a little break. Now, it's a new year, and time for a new try. I have created a blog and have a few ideas:
- I have PayPal buttons on the blog, to let people buy right away, if they are so inclined.
- I have posted the different things that we have to sell, like t-shirts and jewelry.
- I will post a little write up about each print. A little backstory and a little build up, focusing on the creepy, horror side of things.
- I have special offers through the website (buy a t-shirt or necklace, get the corresponding print.)
The 2nd blog is an offshoot of Cracked Lens. We called it TaCL Portraits. You can read about it on the website, but it is for the special needs families that we shoot. I have also included the weddings that we shot over the years, and will include some of the shoots that Geoff has done of our own little people. Hopefully it will generae a little business for us. Fingers crossed.
So, while I have been neglectful, I haven't been lazy. But I promise to take care of you too from now on.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for new blogs.
Mi Familia
Friday night, we had a family gathering. It was my mom's side of the family, with my aunt and uncle and cousins and their kids. It was the first time in about 5 years that we had gotten together. Sure, we meant to and we would talk about it, but things would always come up, or we couldn't co-ordinate the timing, or a million other things. But finally, FINALLY, all the stars aligned and we were able to make it work.
I am so glad it did. I had such a good time. We ate pizza and chicken and veggies and cookies, and Kathleen's home made salsa. We had beers and wine and tea and coffee. The kids' were good- shy at first, but once they got comfortable, they got COMFORTABLE. At one point, Sebastian had his socks off, had pulled the blankets off the back of the couch and was stretched out, with his feet up, ready to nap. Sawyer soon made friends with Kathleen, once Kathleen introduced her to their cat Moochie. Sawyer was in love. By the time we were ready to leave, I had to hunt Sawyer down. She was upstairs with Kathleen, playing guitar and singing awesome songs. She had a blast and told me so multiple times.It was so nice to see everyone. We all promised to do it again soon, and I can't wait. I am probably going to host a BBQ in the summer (I have more room outside than in.) It will be so nice to connect again.
I have always been a little jealous of Geoff and his family. His aunts and uncles may have their differences and feuds, but when the chips are down, they come together and make it happen. The fact that at pretty 
much anytime, Geoff can call any of them and ask a favour or pay a visit, or anything...well, I want that too.
much anytime, Geoff can call any of them and ask a favour or pay a visit, or anything...well, I want that too.I have never been super duper close with my extended family, but when my grandparents were alive, we used to see each other a bit more than we do now. Things happen, years pass, and you grow apart. But I am hoping we have made first steps towards coming back together. I really, really hope that.
One of my new year's resolutions was to focus on family. To make it a priority and to remember how important it is in my life. It is so easy to get distracted. I have been distracted, with work and overtime and money and everything else that, ultimately, aren't really that important at all. At the end of the day, family is what you have.
So, I also talked to both side of our immediate family, both mine and Geoff's, about a monthly dinner. We all live about 5 minutes apart, but can go weeks without seeing each other. We had our first dinner this weekend with Geoff's family. Geoff's mom made chicken and ribs, we had Muppet cupcakes for dessert and it was lovely. It was relaxed and casual, and nice and warm. Exactly what I hoped for.
So, family...prepare for love! I'm coming atcha! By the end of the year, we should all be completely sick of each other. :) I can't wait.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for no place like home.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Today
Today was a good day.
I went to work, did some training. We had lunch out today for a co-worker who was on his last day. I chatted with a bunch of people, in a really nice way. I ran the car home, took Sebastian to therapy. Did more work through the afternoon. Geoff picked me up, and since the kids are sleeping at Grammie and Papa's, we went out for a nice dinner. Came home, watched some stand up, and tried to get Geoff to help me post some Cracked Lens stuff.
But, I am trying really hard to be positive and open. I seem to be doing ok!!
Not saying I don't bitch- cause I do!- but I am trying to do it less. I am trying to look for bright sides. It seems to be working.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "nice."
I went to work, did some training. We had lunch out today for a co-worker who was on his last day. I chatted with a bunch of people, in a really nice way. I ran the car home, took Sebastian to therapy. Did more work through the afternoon. Geoff picked me up, and since the kids are sleeping at Grammie and Papa's, we went out for a nice dinner. Came home, watched some stand up, and tried to get Geoff to help me post some Cracked Lens stuff.
But, I am trying really hard to be positive and open. I seem to be doing ok!!
Not saying I don't bitch- cause I do!- but I am trying to do it less. I am trying to look for bright sides. It seems to be working.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "nice."
Monday, January 2, 2012
Happy New Year
Happy new year to everyone out there. Hope your celebration was just what you wanted and needed. Mine was very low-key, as it is most years. Joel and Carrie and the kids came over for Chinese food, presents and snacks. Since we had been to Michelle and Kevin's the night before for yumminess and deliciousness, we weren't really interested in any spirits. I had a glass of wine and that was it.
The kids played great together and we finally got them to settle down around 11ish. As soon as they sat still for longer than 5 minutes, and the lights were turned low, out they went. Joel wasn't too far behind, but we all made it to midnight- barely. Still a nice night, and a good way to ring in a new year.
The previous night we spent with friends. It was very nice. Alcohol, snacks and fun games were the order of the night. Michelle and Kevin have such a beautiful home, I love being there. I feel very at home, but I love the knickknacks and personal touches they have throughout. I am a wee bit jealous, as I am of most of my friends homes. It makes me sad to return to my hovel somedays. Most times, it just inspires me to change and do better. So thanks guys!!
Yesterday, I claimed a day of rest. I literally stayed in my pjs all day. I laid around and read, had a hot bath and read some more. One of my resolutions was to try and clean up some of the loose ends in my life. I have alot of books that have been lent to me by others, so I have started reading and finishing those. I have finished 3 (thanks to Barb, Michelle and Lynn for the loans- I enjoyed all 3!!) and have 1 more that I can think of (Dawn- I am working on it, will have it to you soon!) If you loaned me a book and you aren't mentioned here, remind me, I might have forgotten! I played with the kids and did puzzles, played tag, and follow the leader. I made a yummy dinner entirely of left overs (it was basically a turkey dinner in a pie dish- AWESOME!) Did some laundry and dishes, etc. Geoff and I watched some Supernatural at night (almost through Season 6!) and I finished knitting one hat and moved to the next. They are for Joel and Carrie's kids for Christmas, so a little late, but I think they will be awesome, so late is ok. :)
My grandma used to say something about what you did on New Year's Eve or New Year's day was what your year would be like. That would be nice. Good friends, good food, a little work, a little leisure, a relatively clean house, happy and healthy children- yeah I could take that.
I have seen alot of comments about how horrible 2011 was and how happy people are to see it go. I get that. I understand, but it really isn't a sentiment that I express myself. To me, it goes along the lines of wishing time away, which I have already talked about in the past. I don't like to do that. So yes, there was some bad and horrible stuff in 2011. We lost Kit, we found out about Sebastian's heart problems, Geoff stopped working, Cracked Lens failed, I have grown apart from some friends, etc, etc. Bad stuff. But stuff I have and keep dealing with.
But I can't help thinking of the good things. We found out about Sebastian's heart problem, so he isn't going to "John Ritter" me in 10, 20, 30 years. We started taking different pictures. Sawyer is growing into an amazing young girl. We had an awesome White Trash Party. I grew closer to people that I wanted to know better. I started knitting and reading again. I have found some amazing blogs, which inspire me daily. Sebastian started Brick by Brick therapy and his meds. I had my first vacation in about 6 years. And so on and so on.
I have done things that I am not proud of. I lived the 2nd half of the year in pretty much a fog of negativity, particularily at work and not a little bit at home. I allowed others to impact my mood and attitude. I was bitter and resentful, and not a very nice person to be around alot of the time. I am trying to change that. It is one of my resolutions and one that I will be asking for help with. I will need it, for sure.
But still, I didn't hate 2011. It brought it's own joys and treasures. I have grown stronger in some ways, and softer in others. It was another opportunity for me to improve and learn. If I did that enough or not, that is entirely up to me.
2012 is a chance to start fresh. To try and change and add and subtract.
I was off work today, my last day of vacation. I am trying very hard not to be depressed about going to work tomorrow, but trying to look forward to getting back into a routine. I am looking forward to talking to my friends at work, hearing about their holidays. I am looking forward to the comraderie that comes with being in the workplace. I am looking forward to my morning coffee and my drive in. I want to make changes, to the way I work, and the way I interact with my co-workers. My one boss made me crazy and ruined alot of my days. My determination, 90% of my focus, is to not allow that to happen. To find ways to change myself to deal with him more effectively. To not be angry and to anger him. To make it work, or find new ways to work around him. Mostly, I want to have good days at work, more than I have bad days.
Today, the 2nd day of the new year was a bit harder than the first. I packed up the last of the Christmas stuff. Did a bit more laundry and a bit more cleaning. I had forgotten about Sebastian's therapy, so he was late, but everyone seemed ok. Cleaned up the outside, added more seed to the bird feeders and even found another feeder in the garage to put out. I picked up Sebastian from therapy and got some flour to make him his gluten free bread. Made dinner for the kids, cleaned up and then baths. Then I logged onto Facebook.
Facebook is my downfall. I hate it. I should close my account. Most times, I either waste tons of time on it, doing nothing when I should be doing something, or it makes me feel bad, because of what I read and see. Tonight was a feel bad night. After all the good stuff I had done today, all it takes is a couple of pictures for me to start questioning myself. What's wrong with me? Why don't they like me? Why did they lie? Why don't they answer? What did I do? Am I a bad person? So on and so on and so on.
I know I have self esteem issues. Honestly, I am always kind of amazed when people want to be friends and want to hear what I have to say. I think I am kinda boring, but sometimes, people seem to think I am fun! LOL...what a shocker!
But all it takes is that one little thing, the trigger, to open the door to all the bad stuff.
Second day of the year, and it is already hard to keep my resolutions. It's hard to be positive, when you are trying to figure out why people don't like you.
Anyway, I will keep at it, plugging away. And as I move forward through the days and weeks ahead, I hope I can keep in mind that I need to surround myself with light and life, laughs and love. Everyone and everything else doesn't matter. Including Facebook. :)
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for New year, new day, new attitude.
The kids played great together and we finally got them to settle down around 11ish. As soon as they sat still for longer than 5 minutes, and the lights were turned low, out they went. Joel wasn't too far behind, but we all made it to midnight- barely. Still a nice night, and a good way to ring in a new year.
The previous night we spent with friends. It was very nice. Alcohol, snacks and fun games were the order of the night. Michelle and Kevin have such a beautiful home, I love being there. I feel very at home, but I love the knickknacks and personal touches they have throughout. I am a wee bit jealous, as I am of most of my friends homes. It makes me sad to return to my hovel somedays. Most times, it just inspires me to change and do better. So thanks guys!!
Yesterday, I claimed a day of rest. I literally stayed in my pjs all day. I laid around and read, had a hot bath and read some more. One of my resolutions was to try and clean up some of the loose ends in my life. I have alot of books that have been lent to me by others, so I have started reading and finishing those. I have finished 3 (thanks to Barb, Michelle and Lynn for the loans- I enjoyed all 3!!) and have 1 more that I can think of (Dawn- I am working on it, will have it to you soon!) If you loaned me a book and you aren't mentioned here, remind me, I might have forgotten! I played with the kids and did puzzles, played tag, and follow the leader. I made a yummy dinner entirely of left overs (it was basically a turkey dinner in a pie dish- AWESOME!) Did some laundry and dishes, etc. Geoff and I watched some Supernatural at night (almost through Season 6!) and I finished knitting one hat and moved to the next. They are for Joel and Carrie's kids for Christmas, so a little late, but I think they will be awesome, so late is ok. :)
My grandma used to say something about what you did on New Year's Eve or New Year's day was what your year would be like. That would be nice. Good friends, good food, a little work, a little leisure, a relatively clean house, happy and healthy children- yeah I could take that.
I have seen alot of comments about how horrible 2011 was and how happy people are to see it go. I get that. I understand, but it really isn't a sentiment that I express myself. To me, it goes along the lines of wishing time away, which I have already talked about in the past. I don't like to do that. So yes, there was some bad and horrible stuff in 2011. We lost Kit, we found out about Sebastian's heart problems, Geoff stopped working, Cracked Lens failed, I have grown apart from some friends, etc, etc. Bad stuff. But stuff I have and keep dealing with.
But I can't help thinking of the good things. We found out about Sebastian's heart problem, so he isn't going to "John Ritter" me in 10, 20, 30 years. We started taking different pictures. Sawyer is growing into an amazing young girl. We had an awesome White Trash Party. I grew closer to people that I wanted to know better. I started knitting and reading again. I have found some amazing blogs, which inspire me daily. Sebastian started Brick by Brick therapy and his meds. I had my first vacation in about 6 years. And so on and so on.
I have done things that I am not proud of. I lived the 2nd half of the year in pretty much a fog of negativity, particularily at work and not a little bit at home. I allowed others to impact my mood and attitude. I was bitter and resentful, and not a very nice person to be around alot of the time. I am trying to change that. It is one of my resolutions and one that I will be asking for help with. I will need it, for sure.
But still, I didn't hate 2011. It brought it's own joys and treasures. I have grown stronger in some ways, and softer in others. It was another opportunity for me to improve and learn. If I did that enough or not, that is entirely up to me.
2012 is a chance to start fresh. To try and change and add and subtract.
I was off work today, my last day of vacation. I am trying very hard not to be depressed about going to work tomorrow, but trying to look forward to getting back into a routine. I am looking forward to talking to my friends at work, hearing about their holidays. I am looking forward to the comraderie that comes with being in the workplace. I am looking forward to my morning coffee and my drive in. I want to make changes, to the way I work, and the way I interact with my co-workers. My one boss made me crazy and ruined alot of my days. My determination, 90% of my focus, is to not allow that to happen. To find ways to change myself to deal with him more effectively. To not be angry and to anger him. To make it work, or find new ways to work around him. Mostly, I want to have good days at work, more than I have bad days.
Today, the 2nd day of the new year was a bit harder than the first. I packed up the last of the Christmas stuff. Did a bit more laundry and a bit more cleaning. I had forgotten about Sebastian's therapy, so he was late, but everyone seemed ok. Cleaned up the outside, added more seed to the bird feeders and even found another feeder in the garage to put out. I picked up Sebastian from therapy and got some flour to make him his gluten free bread. Made dinner for the kids, cleaned up and then baths. Then I logged onto Facebook.
Facebook is my downfall. I hate it. I should close my account. Most times, I either waste tons of time on it, doing nothing when I should be doing something, or it makes me feel bad, because of what I read and see. Tonight was a feel bad night. After all the good stuff I had done today, all it takes is a couple of pictures for me to start questioning myself. What's wrong with me? Why don't they like me? Why did they lie? Why don't they answer? What did I do? Am I a bad person? So on and so on and so on.
I know I have self esteem issues. Honestly, I am always kind of amazed when people want to be friends and want to hear what I have to say. I think I am kinda boring, but sometimes, people seem to think I am fun! LOL...what a shocker!
But all it takes is that one little thing, the trigger, to open the door to all the bad stuff.
Second day of the year, and it is already hard to keep my resolutions. It's hard to be positive, when you are trying to figure out why people don't like you.
Anyway, I will keep at it, plugging away. And as I move forward through the days and weeks ahead, I hope I can keep in mind that I need to surround myself with light and life, laughs and love. Everyone and everything else doesn't matter. Including Facebook. :)
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for New year, new day, new attitude.
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