"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I am a list person.  I make them for everything.  To Do lists, grocery lists, life achievement lists...you name it, I have probably, at one time or another, made a list for it.

I like organization, although I am not, by nature, an organized person.  I have developed this need to organize over the 13 years or so that I have lived with Geoff, and then later my kids.  They are the essence of chaos.  Nothing is ever where I left it.  Things that are put away are all of a sudden in the middle of the living room floor.  I sometimes wonder what my house would be like if no one else lived it in.  Not that I regret my choice, don't take it that way...I just wonder about the road not taken.  I think my house would be lovely.  And clean. 

And lonely. 

But I digress.  Lists.  That's where I was.

I love them.  The one thing I have always wanted, in my heart of hearts, is the movie "lover's list".  You know the one.  Where the guy lists all these crazy, obscure and wonderful reasons he has for loving her.  Two that stand out are 1) Almost Famous- "How you know the words to every song- EVERY song, even the bad ones.  Especially the bad ones.  How you wear that crazy coat, even in the summer.  How you make a hotel room a home."
2) The Truth about Cats and Dogs- "I love how you make a tuna sandwich an event."

I want that list. 

But I worry that it wouldn't be as good in real life, or that I would ruin it.  Like, when he said "I love how you pull grey hairs out of your head every morning" I would say- "Jesus Christ, thanks for mentioning that I am going grey.  FUUUUCK!"  Or it would be horrible and embarassing, like when Shaun Burton sang a Bryan Adams song to me in Grade 8.  Blech.  I wanted to die.  So, while my head knows that this whole lover's list would totally not work out, and would ruin the moment for me forever....my heart still wants it. 

Geoff bought me a kick ass book yesterday.  I can't wait to start.  It's called Listography.  It is a biography about you (me), in list form.  It has all kinds of topics through it, and you make lists.  Regular topics like favorite movies, favorite tv shows, favorite books, but then there is also topics like " Your greatest sins", "Your kindest actions", "Your best and worst drunken moments."

I am trying to decide how honest I plan to be in this lists.  If I am writing it just for me, I can be brutally honest.  If anyone is going to read it before I am dead, then I might have to edit.  But I do think it would be cool for my grandkids to find it someday, and realize that Grandma fell through the second floor of a barn when she was drinking, or that I tried to save a woman I had just met from another beating at the hands of her husband.  Hmmmm...I will have to think.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "numerated lists"- one of my favorite kinds.

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