"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Thursday, June 9, 2011

the perfect mother

I was just inspired to blog something.  There is someone that I am "friends" with on Facebook.  This person has kids. 

I don't know how to say this without being mean, or sounding like a bitch.  But this person obviously thinks they are the perfect mom.  No doubt.  Perfection.  Everyone else should aspire to be her.

Now, there are people that I know that are pretty darn close to perfect as mothers.  But they don't think they are.  They know their flaws, they worry that they are screwing their kids up.  They make mistakes and admit those mistakes.  They don't have perfect holidays, and family vacations.  But, at the heart and soul of the matter, they are some of the best parents I know, and I am inspired by them.

Not this one, though.

Everything she does seems contrived.  It's like, "Look at me, and all the wonderful things that I do.  It's all so spontaneous and perfect."  Ugh.

I think maybe I read too much into it.  I think I am insecure as a mom.  I make mistakes- LOTS of them. 

- I yell at my kids.  Sometimes, I yell loud.  Real loud. 
- Although I have cut back 150%, I sometimes swear in front of my kids. Maybe once, I actually swore at them.  Maybe.
- Sometimes, my kids stay in their pyjamas all day.  And then wear the same pyjamas to bed that night.
- My kids have been known to have pizza for breakfast.  Or french fries. 
- Occasionally, my kids drink pop. 
- At this exact second, there is writing on the walls of both kids rooms.  It's been there for weeks.  I just haven't scrubbed it off.
- My kids don't always have a bath every day.  I don't wash their hair every day.  Sebastian has been known to miss brushing his teeth.
- Sawyer won't eat meat.  Sebastian won't eat veggies.  Sometimes, I just give up trying to make them do either of those things.
- I clean up after my kids, when they should be cleaning up after themselves.  And sometimes, I don't clean up at all.
- Sometimes, I tell my kids to be quiet, because they are driving me crazy. 
- I have been known to pretend that I don't hear Sawyer in the night, because I just want to stay in bed.
- Sometimes, I don't want to go outside and play.  So I don't.
- I have been known to bribe my kids.  To be quiet and behave.  I will bribe them with toys, chocolate, McDonalds, whatever works.
- Some days, I like to go to work, so that I can have some peace and quiet.
- A lot of days, I really, really look forward to bed time.
- I sometimes threaten and don't carry through.  I have said "No, you can't get anything today" only to buy them a treat as we leave.
- I let my kids watch TV.  Sometimes, it is my babysitter. (No, I don't leave the house, but I do get things done when they watch movies)
- I let my kids eat candy.
- I will let the kids crawl into my bed, just so everyone can get a few more hours of sleep.
- We don't always eat dinner at the table.  Sometimes *gasp* we eat dinner in front of the TV.

So, according to the experts and perfect moms everywhere, I am ruining my kids. 


I think they will be ok. 

So, to you, "thinks-you're-so-great" mother, judging me with all your judger-judginess, eff off.  My kids are good kids.    My life isn't your life.  You haven't walked in my shoes.  You don't know what I know.  You don't feel what I feel.

I may not be perfect but I think I am pretty good.  The fact that Sawyer and Sebastian will spontaneously say "I love you" and hug me as hard as they can tells me that.

That Sebastian worries about his sister, when she is in trouble, says that I have taught him about compassion.  And when Sawyer wants to hold hands with him and hug him, means that she knows that she is safe and protected. 

When Sawyer will jump from the top of the stairs into my arms, means that she trusts me, explicitly.  When Sebastian wants to sleep with me and will actually sleep through the entire night when I am there, means that I calm him, and put his heart and mind at ease.

When Sawyer will spin and dance and clap wildly in front of me, means that she feels comfortable and accepted enough to act silly.  She knows I won't judge.  When Sebastian will laugh and laugh at nothing in particular, and try to explain it to me, means that he thinks I am funny, and that I will get his jokes (even if no one else does.

The fact that my kids are amazing, and beautiful, funny and sweet, kind and loving...
That means that I am doing ok as a Mom.  :)

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "not perfect but trying."

1 comment:

  1. I love this. Possibly, no definitely, my FAVORITE blog, ever. I personally think you are fabulous, and it's your ability to not take life so seriously and to let yourself and others around you make mistakes and learn from them that is part of what makes you great. Don't ever change! Love you!