The other night, I had my third (and sadly, final) Thanksgiving dinner of 2011. We did a potluck dinner with our friends. One couple is from out east, so their family isn't around for the holidays. They end up missing out on things like turkey dinners and apple pies, so this year, we decided to do our own dinner. Everyone had plans last weekend, so we did it on Saturday.
It was so much fun, and I haven't laughed that hard in ages. We were kid-free, at least temporarily, since Holly had offered to have the kids stay at her place for a play-and-stay night. Sawyer was stoked to hang out with Roan, and Sebastian was excited about Gage. Bastian came down with a cold though, and was nervous about sleeping out, so he just hung out until about 930 or 10. Geoff went and picked him up and brought him back to the dinner for a bit, so I could stay a while longer. Sawyer did great, and had tons of fun. I know she did, because she had a 3 hour nap the next day, to recover. That's always a sign of a good night.
Sp, anyway, we had dinner with the works- turkey, ham, stuffing, potatoes, veg, fresh buns, soup and appies. Dessert was delish and of course, there were drinks. Lots and lots of drinks. I think there were about 4 different kinds of wine kicking around, plus beers and I think I even saw some Baileys. As the drinks flowed, and our bellies got full, we chatted and laughed and tried to out-do each other with our stories and tall tales. We competed in volume, to the point where I could barely hear Geoff, who was sitting right beside me. As I said at one point, I had never been to a Thanksgiving dinner where the "C" word, had been thrown around so much. But it was awesome, fantastic fun. I hope it becomes a tradition.
During the night, a couple of my friends bared pieces of their souls. They talked, not overly seriously, but still- about their issues and state of mind and being at this point in time. They talked about the help that they are seeking and have sought. They talked about feeling crazy, and angry and weepy and everything else in between.
And as they talked, I was in awe of them. For them to so easily bring this forward, matter of fact and plain, was amazing. I am sure, in retrospect, it wasn't easy. But that they were comfortable and trusted us enough to talk, spoke volumes to me. I was and still am, incredibly proud of them. I want to hug them. I want to be them.
I too have my struggles, but I often stay quiet about them. I worry alot about judgement. I worry that what I think and feel isn't normal and what will happen if people really find out. I really don't see that changing any time soon, but maybe, just maybe, because of these lovely brave women, I will let my cracks show, just a tiny bit more.
But what do I know? Maybe I only think I hide it. Maybe I am broken on the outside too. I can see the signs, the lines, but for some reason, I tend to think no one else does. Maybe they are all just being polite, too polite to say anything.
Either way, I wanted to say- Ladies, you know who you are. I am so proud of you. Keep it up, you are inspiring.
Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "naked emotions".