"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Monday, April 30, 2012

I don't hate you.

So, yeah, I am going to be super annoying and keep talking about my positive mindset.  It's because right now, I am having to remind myself all the time to be positive.  It isn't coming natural all the time now.  What is happening is that I am noticing more quickly when I am being negative, or when I am surrounded by negativity. 

Anyway, the other day was a hard assignment.  Sure, I loved doing my wish list for the universe and asking for my heart's desires.  That was fun to imagine and keep wishing for.  It makes me feel like a kid again, wishing on stars and dandelion seeds.

But the other day was about repairing relationships in your life.  About how the negative feelings you hold for other people really just poisons your own life. 

Immediately, the first relationship that popped into my mind is the one I have with someone I work with.  If you have read any of my previous blogs, or talked to me in person after a particularly trying work day, you know EXACTLY who I am talking about. 

The assignment was to put together a list of 10 positive things about this person.  Each item had to be phrased as (Name), I am grateful for....

This was hard.  REALLY hard.

But as I started writing, it got a little easier.  I got to look at things from another perspective.  So, in the interest of sharing, here is my list for you-know-who.

J, I am grateful for the work you have taken off of my plate. That allows me to dedicate my time more fully to other tasks.
J, I am grateful that you are the primary contact for the client now, as that also frees up much of my time.
J, I am grateful for the effort you have been putting in lately to show gratitude to the team.
J, I am grateful that you didn't get angry or blame me when I made that mistake in August.  That must have been hard.
J, I am grateful every time you say thank you.
J. I am grateful that you are willing to put your name to an email and potentially take the heat.
J, I am grateful for all the times you bought donuts or muffins for the team to try and help us get through the day.
J, I am grateful for the beautiful poinsettia you bought the entire team at Christmas.  It was very thoughtful.
J, I am grateful for the times you drove us both to Toronto.  It saved me gas and the frustration of driving myself.
J, I am grateful for your efforts at humor and levity.  It must be hard when faced with all of us, but you still try.  So thank you.

So, I did it.  And since I did it, it hasn't been as bad.  I can shake it off, when I get a poorly worded email.  I can read between the lines and get the heart of the message.  I can move forward and not dwell.  I know something will come up and challenge me.  That will be the real test. 

But I think it is worth it.  It is making me a better person.  And that is the best reward of all. 
Wish me luck!

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "new perspective on an old issue".

1 comment:

  1. This must have been very difficult for you... VERY well done :)