"Change, when it comes, cracks everything open."
Dorothy Allen

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Feeling Good, Walking Tall

So, I briefly mentioned yesterday that I had slacked off when it came to my exercise and workout routine.  That is a slight understatment.  Basically, the month of December 2012 was a total eating free-for-all.  You name it, I shoved it in my face.  I had been on a slippery slope anyway, but the holidays seemed to make for an even rougher ride, so I ended up gaining weight back.  Not everything I lost- THANK GOD!- but enough that I am a bit angry and disappointed in myself. 

So, beginning in January, I have tried to do better.  I am somewhat lacking in the motivation department, so the attempt has been liberally peppered with trips and falls and backwards slides (not to mention pizza and cupcakes and sodas, oh my!)

I started exercising again, doing the Insanity workouts.  They are intense and yes, a little bit insane.  I can't do them all the way full out the way they do on the tapes, but I do my best and modify where I have to.  I am happy with myself every time I finish.

Because Niagara Falls is basically a simmering petrie dish of illness and has been for the last 2 months (seriously, you can't go anywhere without someone coughing or sneezing on you.  It's pretty gross) my family succumbed to the bugs about 3 weeks ago.  I held out as long as I could, but eventually my immune system abandoned the good fight and I got sick too.  When that happened, functioning and moving became a thing of necessity and all extraneous efforts were put out to pasture.  Good bye Insanity.  At least temporaily. 

So, right now, I am trying to reset, to purge the toxins and carbs and sugars and drop some weight fast.  I am working on my short term and long term goals and trying to keep my eye on the proverbial prize.  It's not easy.  Which I find shocking, really, if I am being honest.  I know this shit works.  I am 60 lbs lighter because it works.  So if I know that it works, why don't I do it?  Do I really like the taste of grease and chocolate and cheese that much???  Apparently I do.  Disappointing.

I am totally full of tangents tonight.  Must be a side effect of not blogging for a while. 


Since I have decided to try and rededicate and be commited to improving and getting smaller, my compliments are coming back.  And that makes me happy.  I live for external validations.  Not one of my better qualities, but there it is. 

When I was dragging ass through the second half of last year I was feeling pretty down about myself.  Clothes that used to be big were starting to get snug again.  Jeans that I could be comfortable lounging in were being replaced with yoga pants.  I was losing muscle tone and my skin was not as nice and glow-y.  I wasn't feeling very good about me and what I was doing. 

When I was in the midst of my weightloss and rocking shit out, I was getting compliments left right and centre.  Honestly, sometimes I got embarrassed.  It was crazy.  But when I started not feeling good about myself, that gravy trained dried up.  No compliments.  Nothing.  Nada. 

But in the last couple of weeks, since I have tried to improve and be positive, the compliments are coming back.  Not a lot, but enough to help carry me through the tougher times.  Today at work, I was walking back to my desk, after getting a tea.  A man that I walk by at least 3 times a day (on the days that I am in the office, which is about once or twice a week) stood up to watch me walk.  When I rounded the corner of desks, he actually called out to me.
"Hey! Anita!"

I turned.

"Looking good!"  A tone of admiration, tinged with a bit of surprise.

Sure, I was basically sexually harrassed at work.  :)  But I will take it!!!  I was a little bit blushy and tittery.  It's ridiculous, I know.  But still...it's nice to hear. 

So today, I was feeling good and walking tall.  Sure, I had a cookie (or 2 ) for dessert when I shouldn't have.  Yes, I still have a long (looooooooong) way to go. 

But a boy looked at my butt today and was ok with what he saw.  Can't beat a day like that.

Rosie N. Grey
The N stands for "never enough compliments!"

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